|
A FITTING END ...by Camille Well, well, well! Sounds like we have a family riff going on here. I'd like to give the family a little different perspective to see if we can get through this. I've been off line for a little while because of computer problems or I would have tried to give this perspective earlier. Many of you read the article I wrote for bryburcon.com earlier this year about my dad and his presence at family get togethers after my mother remarried. The Bible says a marriage is to resemble the way Christ treats the church. Christ laid down His life for the church, gave up everything, nothing held back. The culture we live in has determined a "give-up" point to marriage, and many marriages fall prey to that. There was a reason God ordained marriage the way He did. One of the reasons was for situations just like this. Marriages most often produce children. Children are naturally champions of their parents, and this doesn't change when the marriage falls apart. I can remember thinking how glad I was my parents weren't getting a divorce, up until a few months before they actually did. When they did divorce I understood why, but it was still a very devastating thing to my own sense of security. Everything I had known to be so, suddenly wasn't. When my mom and my step-dad started making wedding plans I was very glad for my mother. However, I also felt sorry for my dad because he was so hurt by the situation. The day my mom & step-dad were to marry my dad showed up, parked across the street from the house we were living in and sat in his car with the radio blaring, "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille." I'll never forget it. When the ceremony was going on, my cousin & her husband had to go to the road and talk with my dad to get him to let the situation alone. You all know how Dad was. He could be volatile, bitter, abusive, etc. Yet, as my step-dad watched how my dad reacted and handled situations he still made a choice to include my dad. Never did my mom call my dad on the phone and invite him to any family event without first asking my step-dad if he was okay with it. My step-dad made a choice not for his sake, but for my sake. He knew that the same blood that ran through my dad's veins ran through mine. He could never change that, nor did he want to. Maybe because he had spent so many years wishing his children's mother would show up to be a part of his kids' lives. Maybe he looked into their eyes year after year and saw the hurt they experienced by their mother never making contact, no Christmas presents, no birthday acknowledgements, no anything. Maybe just the love of Jesus in his heart to reach out to a man who needed God's love in his own life so bad. I don't know what my step-dad's motives were. What I do know is that the worst situation in the world was made easier because my step-dad decided to lay aside his own desires, feelings, insecurities, etc. so I could still champion both my mother and my father. I cannot tell you how special my step-dad's attitude has been to me and my brother and my sister! I've also said this previously as well. My own dad's attitude was commendable as well. Hurt as he was, he also laid aside his feelings, his hurts, his irritations, etc. to show up and celebrate birthdays, Christmas', Thanksgivings, whatever the occasion. He did it for the same reason my step-dad did. To make this awful situation a little easier for me. Family reunions are funny little things. We all know so much about each other! We know the good things as well as the bad. We hope those who know the bad stuff keep their mouths shut, and those who know the good speak up loud and clear. I personally was so excited to see Aunt Sandra. Just because her and Uncle Bill's marriage didn't work out, it didn't erase my memories of her. I've thought about her often. I remember being very appreciative when she came to see my dad when he was dying. I remember playing in that old farmhouse they had in Plant City. These are memories that don't just vanish when divorce papers are served, (sometimes we wish they would, but they don't.) I personally would have probably asked Uncle Bill and Kathy if they were okay with her coming if I were inclined to invite her. But you know, you never know who you are going to run into when you go out in public, and sometimes you have to just grin and bear it. I'm sure the invitation was NOT meant to cause pain. It is my sincere desire that Uncle Bill and Kathy would lay aside their hurt, if for no other reason, than to let Kimberley and Cherryl know they value their feelings above their own. I'd like to interject something here to make sure I haven't caused my own riff. Kim, you were over rubbing my tummy trying to get the baby to move, and I'm not even sure now what I said, but I sure hope whatever I said didn't offend you! If I did, I'm terribly sorry, please forgive me. I was trying to come up with something funny to say and don't know if it came across that way or not. Anyway, I enjoyed seeing you so much and wish we could have had more time to talk! I'd like to let this family know I love each of you and am very excited to see you when the reunion comes around! Kathy, you are sort of new, and I want you to know as well, that as a part of this family some things are strange, some things are out of the ordinary, some things are joyous and some things are painful, but we also love you and want to be there for you! May God continue to richly bless this family and even if we don't see eye-to-eye may we all be able to overcome our differences and love each other in spite of them! That is what God's love is all about anyway, isn't it? Loving unconditionally, even when the other person doesn't desire our love. Loving even when we don't feel like it! If you really can't get all the way to, "What Would Jesus Do?", think, "What Would Alta Do?" Smile today and have a great day! Love, Camille (Nellie/Wm>Alta Ruth>Mart>Alta Camille) P.S.
I took pictures, but because of computer problems I've been unable
to retrieve them. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll get them to the
website! ...by
Virginia The
greatest danger of enlightenment is the urge to force one's own
down the throats of everyone else regardless of what is going
on in the minds of others. True enlightenment means walking in
the light and being seen or heard without aggression and conquest.
It happens within and not from outside us by force. Using enlightenment
as a tool of conquest brings too much risk of hiding behind a
plastic innocence or of being exploited by others to work out
hidden agendas. On
Christmas Day, 800, Pope Leo III repaid Charlemagne for defeating
the Lombards. As Charlemagne rose from prayer, Leo placed a crown
on his head and proclaimed him "Augustus," emperor of
the "Holy Roman Empire." The coronation united Christendom
under Charlemagne's rule. Any subject who refused to convert was
executed. Soon Charlemagne realized that an extraordinary number
of subjects had been executed, so instead, he began offering a
"fine white tunic" to those who converted. Problem solved.
That's one way of doing it, actually the "American Way",
but soon after Charlemagne's death his empire crumbled. The above comments are not directed at Camille but at anyone who would force their own solutions to the recombined family or religious issues on everyone else. We lose a lot of citizens that way who would rather die than submit. ....by Reatha Seems the presence of one X-wife hit a raw nerve at the family reunion.....Let's see if I can sort this out. If Edna, along with husband, Chuck, decided to attend our family reunion, I'm sure they would be welcomed. I remember Jerry Lantz, along with his current wife, attending one of the reunions and being made welcome. Bill Arnold and his wife have attended more than one of the family reunions and been welcomed. And Carolyn (Bill's wife) was so gracious as to thank me for letting her come. This past Sunday, Bill enjoyed conversations with several people he remembers from his school days. Why should we exclude only one of the X's? We have known Edna and Sandra since the 1950's when we were teenagers, attending school and church together. Sandra and Edna have been a art of this family since the 1950's - 60's. We still consider them part of the Johns' family and by extension, the Burdett family. Gerry was not the only one to invite Sandra to the family reunion. I did also. And there were cousins who invited her back next year. I guess she is going to remain a part of our family. I know I am not going to exclude her. We laugh when we tell X's..."Once you are a part of this family, you're always a part of this family ." That should give some people pause before marrying into the family. Since society, and our family, have decided to have his, hers, mine, ours, in-laws, out- laws, you're in but who knows for how long, everything's disposable; our family gatherings are going to reflect this. Welcome to the 21st century.Reatha (Nellie/Wm>Alta Ruth>Reatha) (Editor's Note: I am only seeking to understand why the same respect, warmth, care to not wound or insult, inclusion, loyalty, interest, sharing, reaching-out-to have not been extended to Kathy. The same acceptance regardless of differences of opinion. She has treated me with an exquisite courtesy. I think all of you would like her. The situations with Edna, Bill Arnold and Jerry Lantz are apples and oranges when compared with this situation at Reunion 2003. Edna's ex-spouse, our brother Mart, is dead. Gerry chose to include her ex, Bill. Jerry Lantz {my ex} and his present wife, Jackie, I invited to the reunion because they intended to pick my daughter, Mindy, up and take her home with them immediately following the event. I encouraged them to eat, drink and visit, but they collected Mindy and then ran for their lives. I got the impression that they wouldn't have stayed had I been the last fertile woman on earth. See below for more Virginia. ) THE ROLL CALL Nellie,
Viola, Charlie, Paul Higgins, Kitty, Charlene, Walter Lee, Alta,
Mart, Clyde, Bobbye, Danny, Austin, Tiny, Gerald, Roy, Mildred,
Harry, Donna, Reatha, Ed, Fred, Frank, Isabelle, Dolphus, Wesley,
Curtis, Ronald, LaMarr, Dale, Jenny, Shannon, Edna, Paul, David,
Clifford, Theron Glenn, Billie, Pete, Bud Burdett, Lucy, Reatha
Louise …… Things
I learned from my Mama-A house does not make a life-A religious
role does not make a heart-A dagger to an enemy's heart does not
make a hereafter-The voice of an angel in song or speech does
not make it true---An eviction from one's turf of a combatant
does not make a permanent lease…A gang does not make a victory…Wit
and sarcasm do not make a moral advantage... Pretty little children
with ruffles, bow ties and memorized verses or cool, clear logic
do not stay little or pretty very long... So soon we are only
a dream in the minds of those we loved. Those we harmed will do
their best to erase us.
Gerry's Family Reunion 2003 From
left to right:Names provided by Michelle, wife of Bill Arnold
3rd ...by Bill Johns Kathy
is my wife and just happens to be right up there with my kids
as being the best thing that has ever happened to me. She deserves
my support in all ways, not just one or two. Kathy isn't obligated
to deal with ex-wives or girlfriends or even sisters or daughters
if they don't show her and her home the proper respect. I have
a package that Virginia sent full of stained glass pieces for
the reunion. I'll go and take that, give it to Cherryl Curl, or
whatever her current name is, and I'm gone too. THE LEAD MINE The
company was insistent. The Bolivian property had to be surveyed
and assessed. And I was the only one currently available with
the expertise. But a lead mine? And deep underground? The department
head was aware that I like to work alone. Any help becomes a mere
distraction. This had always worked for me. The mine could be
a very dangerous place, even for a team of men, but I was insistent.
It was, "Either we do it my way or I take the highway. I'll
seek employment elsewhere." What
a marvelous opportunity for the Bolivian government and for my
company. We had the financing and expertise and Bolivia had the
richest deposit of lead ever discovered. I had an uneventful flight
down, got settled in, and went about the business at hand. I started
by surveying the available current test data. This mine was even
richer than at first thought. A deposit hundreds of feet thick,
and right near the surface. The Bolivian engineers had decided
that they'd have to tunnel underground to be able to work the
deposit. This, they'd already started to do. I decided that an
open-pit mine would work just fine. And many millions of dollars
cheaper every year to operate. I had to make sure. Untold billions
of dollars were ultimately riding on my decision. I had the mine
cleared of all other personnel, set up my test equipment and got
to work. A
day or two underground running tests and I'd seen enough. By all
means, buy. And grab this opportunity before some other company
discovers the possibilities here. Back above ground to file my
report and then head back to the States. But the oddest thing
had occurred while I was underground. The earth had experienced
some sort of radiation storm. Scientist were still trying to assess
the damage, but had found none. But one other odd thing did crop
up. Every known male and female primate on earth had become sterilized.
No perceptible damage to either plants or to other animals; just
this one anomaly. A primate specific reproductive radiation storm?
Apparently so. The ramifications for the human race weren't good.
Doctors and scientists wanted all male and female human beings
on earth given fertility tests, and quickly. A daunting task,
but vitally necessary. I
presented myself to a clinic for testing. The outcome was a foregone
conclusion, or so we'd thought. But the doctors soon came running
out into the waiting room extremely agitated and excited. I was
not sterile. Why and how had I been spared? That lead deposit
apparently shielded me sufficiently. But what good was all of
this without a female counterpart? A few weeks later she turned
up. It all started to slowly sink in. She and I were potentially
the modern-day Adam and Eve; the one remaining hope for the human
race. I learned who she was and was immediately presented with
a staggering moral and ethical dilemma. I'd been married to this
person. I knew her well. She'd pursued the same line of work that
I had. Her job must have placed her in a protected position similar
to my own. In any event, she'd managed to escape the radiation.
I
woke up in the emergency room. "Who did this to you, Mr.
Jones?" A horrible mutilation, I'd been castrated. I confessed
that I'd done this to myself. It was requested that I meet with
a panel of psychiatrists. This, I readily agreed to do. I began
speaking as slowly and as succinctly as I was able to. "I
understand that this person and I could have become the modern-day
Adam and Eve. I understand the ramifications for the survival
of the human race. I know that within approximately one hundred
years, the last human being will cease to exist. I also understand
that the evolutionary cycle, as far as the human race is concerned,
will now have to start all over again. I'm really very sorry about
all of this." ...by
Virginia Does
Kathy (Bill Johns' current wife) deserve being plowed over this
way? I could write an open letter to everybody, but do I belong
in this brouhaha? I'll do so if you want me to or whatever you
ask me to do. I owe you something for leaving you to apologize
to UPS after I suggested that you be obnoxious to them (following
a glitch in the stained glass delivery).Kathy belongs at MY family
reunion. So do you. And Julia. And Julia's dad and Sandra if you
want to invite them. Love Virginia 11-9-2003 ...by Sandra, ex-wife of Bill Johns Hi V, You'll just love this. I just didn't think to mention cause wouldn't have thought it would mean anything to you but then, as family goes, just thought I'd tell you a bit of our funny family stuff you'd think hilarious because it is just that, about family. I go to church where F D and his new wife go. (Sandra's ex, FD). It's my home church. He and I were both born into it. Our parents all dbl dated around together and he and I also have some of the same cousins. My brother, W E and his wife, Rebecca go to church where his x wife Glenda (WE's ex-wife & Sandra's ex-sister-in-law) goes and Glenda married W E's best friend, Charlie Parker. We have same cousins as Charlie also. That is the church that Glenda and W E raised the kids in and it's the Baptist church down here on the corner close to us and Charlie is pentecostal. Oh, and when Dub (WE, Sandra's brother) left her, he left her on the family property and told Mamma that as far as he was concerned, Glenda and Charlie could live there when they married ( that didn't happen as Charlie had a place ). My nephew is a contractor,
bought a piece of the property from Mamma dirt cheap, built a
cute house there and a log cabin in NC. He left his wife on the
property right behind me and Mamma and gave her (the ex-wife)
every thing( house and mountain house) and is starting over somewhere
else with another lady. We've learned how to be in the middle but somehow spread oil on troubled waters. LOL. If we hadn't learned that by now we would have killed each other for sure. Dad's baby brother's family stayed together on things the same way when his 20 yr marriage failed. We try to do our
celebration things and all to include every one. We've decided to stand up against broken families where children are concerned , even grown children. If we don't somehow pull it together and make the best of the situation, relationships have the possability of forever being broken. Aren't relationships with family and friends what this life is all about? Felt inspired to write this and I reckon I'm writing it to you because you have been the one to somehow stay out of the stuff and be more inclined to just be family no matter what the problem. My Aunt Effie was much like that. When they hurt her so deeply at times, she'd just say "they're my family and I'm gonna go see them and love them anyway". Your family web site is doing wonders for your family. I see where the younger ones are chiming in their 2 cents and where my girls even had a thing or two to say. Perhaps it will bring those together to carry on. Keep up the good work. Don't give up till you absolutely have to or can enlist someone that will be as dedicated to keeping it up. Love,
Sandra (Nellie/Wm>Alta>Bill {ex-wife
Sandra})
FAMILY LATE 20TH CENTURY by Virginia My grandchildren consisted of one toddler and one infant in October of 1987. My daughter, Mindy, decided that for the future benefit of the children we should pose for a portrait with them. There would be the two children, their parents and their four grandparents. It was a rare occurrence for all four grandparents to be in the same state. So, off to the portrait studio we all went. The photographer rubbed her hands together and asked brightly, "And who do we have here?" My (then) son-in-law, David, answered, "We are two children, their parents and their grandparents." The photographer sized us up, and then she glanced at my ex and me. "Let's see…you are married to him?" she asked. "NO, we are divorced," I replied. She then looked at the paternal grandparents. "You and you are married?" "NO, we are divorced." By then she was hesitant to attempt to group anyone, and she looked pleadingly at David, the father. He said quickly, looking at Mindy, "We are married." Visibly relieved, the photographer said, "Uh… OK, let's put you and you together."
Mindy spoke, "Look, I should get a Nobel Prize for just getting
these people together into one room. You tell them where to stand,
and they will stand there." Suddenly inspired, the photographer
plunged bravely ahead and said, "OK! Let's have the adults…uh…
wearing glasses in front seated with the children. The others
stand in the back." So, that's how we did it. I think that
my strongly stated, "NO!" is the reason that my ex and
I are at opposite corners of the family.
What
Makes A Family? by Lavida Arnold Today
we hear a lot about the demise of the family, taking family time,
family values, etc. But exactly what is it that makes a family?
When
I was a little girl, my family was my mom and dad and brothers.
But as I grew, the definition of who was my family began to shift.
There were marriages, divorces, births, deaths, and so on. Eventually
the line of who was family became very blurred. I learned about
family members that I never knew I had. I realized that there
were family members that I had never even met. And sadly there
were also family members that moved away, never kept in contact
and just seemed to disappear from the very earth itself. After
a while, the gathering of the family of my choosing began. I gathered
a whole family complete with aunts, uncles, grandparents, even
children and a sister (I always did want one of those). Are step
families any less family? What about adopted family? What about
ex family? I am fortunate to have parents and step parents that
all get along. My mother crochets for my stepmother. My stepfather
let my dad house sit and even borrow his truck. My mother and
stepfather spent the night at my father and stepmother's house.
My dad and his oldest son even attended my mother's family reunion
a couple of years back. Even exes can be family still. So then
I ask again………………What is it that
makes family?
|
